‘I feel like shit.’
I wonder how many people have thought that, or mumbled it under their breath, or even had the guts to just say it.
It’s funny how well that sums up how I feel and how I am right now. Well, the way I have felt all day.
I want I punch things. I want to cry, but my eyes are just dry. I want to be alone and read poems I don’t really understand. And I want that to be ok. To not have to worry about other people anymore.
However much I sound like a self centred brat who has listened to too many as songs and watched the rain for too long, I find it easy to convince myself that if I were to be cocooned in my own bubble it wouldn’t make much of a difference to others. It’s really easy to say that the amount of help I give is probably outweighed by the problems I cause. In some ways I know that’s not true. Still, it’s how I feel right now. The kind of pure melancholy that swallows you in loneliness so much that it’s sort of, well, beautiful.
I also know that I am wallowing. But, hey, we’re all entitled to our periods of wallowing, right?