You walk past
Eyes fixed on the ground,
Captured by the pavement
Whenever I’m around…
What makes it so fascinating?
I wonder will you ever
Look me in the eye?
I wonder do you enjoy
Being so out reach?
Well, baby, soon
You’ll drift away,
Floating with that head
Full of hot air
I wonder is it fun
Standing on your
Above all the rest of us?
How’s that high horse
You might laugh
At the rest of us;
Fake a smile.
But it’s not so fun after all…
When you’re left
On your own,
Just you and your
In the distance
The moon hung
Lonely in the blackness…
Violent flashes of neon,
Pink and red and green;
An eruption of raucous laughter,
Clattering ‘clack clack’ of heels.
The hungry-eyed pack stumbled past,
Leaving their boozy breath to linger
Among the air thick with desire
And the drifting wafts of Kung Pao.
A cacophony of words
That were fired into the dark,
Like the blistering blaze of the city lights-
Whispers, shouts, fiery chants,
Out into the throng of endless noise.
My lips were closed.
I walked, soaking it all in.
Alcohol, warm and sweet,
Greeted me on his slack mouth
Twisting into a laugh.
But before my lips formed the words,
A friendly, heavy arm flopped around him
And he was tugged away,
I walked on.
I heard his hearty chuckle
And a smile bubbled across my face,
Shuffling along in my worn old Converse,
Immersed in the buzz;
Charged on the wild, intoxicated air
Of the frenzied night
Then her hair swung in the breeze.
That flurry of feathery blonde-
Only they weren’t my fingers
Running through the tendrils.
It wasn’t my mouth pressed to hers,
My body tangled in hers.
Someone shoved past me,
Shoulders sharp against mine,
Except I didn’t feel it.
I didn’t hear the hyena laughter,
The thud of club music,
The rush of cars.
I was drowning…
Choking on her distant,
I didn’t taste booze-laden air
My hands didn’t feel the swing;
Didn’t feel the crack of knuckle
My throat didn’t feel the sting
Of burning bitter words,
All I saw was you
When the Earth stopped turning.
You lure me in with the promise of dreams…
The abandonment of the this world’s restraints
For a better one.
You tempt me with the escape
From the bitterness
Of life’s disappointments,
Like the sweet chime of a bell.
You tell me,
Do it tomorrow,
Wait for the next day.
And I listen
To your soothing voice;
I push aside the pile of books
Lunging into the comforting cocoon
Of the duvet.
I bathe in the peace,
As the last lingering grasp
Is slowly unfurled and I am released
Into your powers.
Then, you tear me away-
Ears pricked by the evil scream
Of the clock
I am pulled from the quiet sanctity;
Ripped into the cold air,
Staring at the harsh glare
Of the electric light.
The day is long:
It was you that told me
To wait, to push things aside
Just so you could snatch me away.
And now I am drunk-
On the lack of you-
As I stare at the blank screen
That must be filled soon;
The books laid on the shelf,
Waiting to be read.
As I stare at these things,
Which I must do before I can
Return to you
I know that it is impossible
My brain goes numb,
My heart and body sags,
My eyes itch to close once more…
The pierce of pessimism
Stings my aching soul
And I cannot stand it.
All of my fears and worries
Flood before my eyes,
And even when it’s time
To let you back,
Because my demons are
All too often
Stronger than you
And I rise again
Sunken and weary.
Grasping at dwindling grey light,
Like loose threads dangling,
Swaying in the wind –
Slowly pulled away
Behind the clouds
By the darkness.
The lights are beautiful and blinding;
I let them devour the darkness,
And now I can’t see the hate and pain
That fills my eyes with saltwater;
Just a little twinkling.
I leave a trail.
The half-eaten sandwich;
Traces where mascara and tears splashed
As they rolled down flushed cheeks;
The stain of painted lips pressed against cold glass,
Or the white paper cup;
Fading scents of vanilla perfume
That linger where limbs have been;
Long hairs that fell from the sweeping chestnut locks
I left my trail,
Never to be followed by you.
Fifteen seconds of magic;
The very best part of the song…
You can’t help yourself
From forming the shape of the lyrics with your mouth,
Every letter ingrained into your memory
Whether you step along in time-
Buds tucked in ears stream the sound,
Midst other legs striding to different beats and different paces,
Dodging raindrops, swallowing the sunlight;
Or the pulse jars your bones and thumps as hard
As the swell of your heart,
In the electric atmosphere of live, echoing sounds.
Wherever you are, you are immersed
In the music, in the moment of infinity it creates-
Thoughts charged with possibility.
Steam clings to the cold silver glass,
Concealing the zombie lurking
Behind the soft mists;
As lifeless limbs sink into the heat,
Blood rushes to the skin’s surface
A blushing, tender pink
Droplets of moisture, like the tiny soap bubbles
Form on the forehead
Eyes close in a slow, rolling wave,
Letting the heat vaporize poisonous thoughts…
Just let it all out,
One reverberating, echoing cry,
Rushing into the air as quickly as it dies…
A series of vibrations, notes
Without the need for a tune or a melody-
Leaving lips with the weight of a million worries,
And dissolving into the air,
I don’t know who you are.
I don’t know your name,
But you make me turn my music up loud;
You make me want to throw my arms open to the moonlit sky,
And cherish the hidden beauty
In spider webs and tattered books…
Sometimes you feel so far away,
So impossible it makes me ache,
But some trace of hope lingers-
Tells me to just wait a little longer,
You might be lost!
You don’t know me.
You don’t know my name.
I wonder, do I make your heart beat faster,
At the thought of a thousand new possibilities?
Do I make you look into the depths of the sky and wonder?
I hope you like blink 182,
And poetry and rainy days.
I hope you want to travel the world,
And have a never ending bucket list.
But if you don’t that’s okay;
I’ll have time to make you listen to ‘I Miss you’
And go for longs walks in the rain.
Even if that doesn’t persuade you
It won’t matter because you’ll still love me,
And I’ll still love you.
A million miles away,
In a different world, it seems…
I wonder if you’re awake and
Flying through these 1am thoughts.
Do you ever wonder about me?
Do you have the same buzz of excitement combined with those pangs of doubt?
I’ll wait for you however long it takes, my dear
You just might have to find me in New York or Paris,
Wherever life takes me in search
Of meaning beyond the borders of the little I know;
Until then I’ll try not to worry
About not being able to find you,
Or notice you among the crowds.
My heart might be cracked in places
By the time it reaches you,
But you can have it, imperfections and all,
And on that day I’ll have yours, too.