Caged behind brick and glass, I stare out into the darkness. Stretching beyond my imagination, beyond the pictures is more than a world, but a future waiting to be unveiled. City lights flash miles and miles away, but I can feel their bright hope. My skin itches to feel the rush of cool air from an open window while driving through through the night. The comfort inside these closed walls is not enough for me. I ache for adrenaline, for the thrill of blood pumping through my veins, for a racing heart. I long to hear the buzz of a million conversations and the hum of a city that never sleeps.
The beauty of foreign land calls to me. Sights, sounds, smells just waiting for me to taste. The moon, the stars, the sun so beautifully unique from the different perspectives, yet the same thing that fixes the eyes of millions in one place. The excitement of life so different from the monotony of mine.
On my journey I would trail along, in awe of everyone and everything. No longer a young, naive girl, but a knowledgeable woman of the world. Hungry-eyed dreams slowly becoming real-life experiences. I’d never stop.
I had a dream that a man was chasing me, trying to kill me. I’ve never had a specific recurring dream or night terror, but this seems to be a theme in a lot of my nightmares-chasing and killing. It’s a cycle of fear, because the fear causes morbid and scary dreams, which adds to the fear. So basically, I need to convince myself that a random man is not going to chase and kill me. Easy to do during the day, but at night…
Once Adolf Hitler made an appearance in my dream. Funnily enough it wasn’t even a nightmare, really. He visited a strange house where I was living and inspected my room, which was messy; but I woke up before he could hurt me.
The most disturbing dream I’ve ever had was when there was a conveyor belt in the middle of a dark room and along it came a series of dead bodies, all killed in different ways. I’m cringing now, just writing this.
Less morbid, but still disturbing, once I dreamed that instead of genitalia I had a random foot just chilling there. I mean, it wasn’t even my foot! There really must be something wrong with me…
Sometimes, when I am really tired I get this irrational thought that one of the bones in my foot, near my ankle, is going to pop out. Where do I get these ideas from? I’m not even dreaming and I make myself cringe!