Dear Sleep

You lure me in with the promise of dreams…
The abandonment of the this world’s restraints
For a better one.
You tempt me with the escape
From the bitterness
Of life’s disappointments,
Like the sweet chime of a bell.
You tell me,
Do it tomorrow,
Wait for the next day.
And I listen
To your soothing voice;
I push aside the pile of books
Lunging into the comforting cocoon
Of the duvet.
I bathe in the peace,
As the last lingering grasp
On consciousness
Is slowly unfurled and I am released
Into your powers.

Then, you tear me away-
Ears pricked by the evil scream
Of the clock
I am pulled from the quiet sanctity;
Ripped into the cold air,
Staring at the harsh glare
Of the electric light.

The day is long:
It was you that told me
To wait, to push things aside
Just so you could snatch me away.
And now I am drunk-
On the lack of you-
As I stare at the blank screen
That must be filled soon;
The books laid on the shelf,
Waiting to be read.

As I stare at these things,
Which I must do before I can
Return to you
I know that it is impossible
Without you.

Without you
My brain goes numb,
My heart and body sags,
My eyes itch to close once more…

Without you
The pierce of pessimism
Stings my aching soul
And I cannot stand it.

All of my fears and worries
And demons
Flood before my eyes,
And even when it’s time
To let you back,
We battle
Because my demons are
All too often
Stronger than you
And I rise again
Sunken and weary.

The Creature She Has Become

Twisting, writhing through your weak body,

You let those snippets of cruel words

Consume you and your impressionable mind.

Under the spell of the darkness

That wraps you up so easily,

You cannot hear my wary voice.

Eyes light up with fear, concealing

The ghoulish pallor of your

Withered, weary face

Years of unrelenting doubt and distress

Have forced a frail frame upon you;

Along with a weak and ruined heart.

Failure

Writing 101: Your Personality on the Page

What am I scared of?

Failure. Feeling like I have failed myself, or-even worse- others. I have always been one of those people that tries to please everyone. I used to get upset when things went wrong, when I caused a problem, when someone didn’t like me. But I have learned that some things you can’t control; you can’t expect everyone to like you! Still, I can’t help but feel like I have to make it up someone that doesn’t seem to like me.

When I say failure, I don’t mean little mistakes or accidents. I can cope with that. I mean flaws that were caused by me, that give me the responsibility for a downfall. I fear failure because of pressure to succeed. And it’s mainly from myself. My parents were never pushy or pressuring, or even that strict. Whenever we got reports at school, my mum would laugh because she didn’t need to put any pressure on me to do well-I always pressured myself. And I did do well. I’m one of those dark horses, always in the top set/class but quietly forgotten, until I shock everyone on results day. Nobody knows that to do so well I did so much revision my eyes spun, I went through several meltdowns and didn’t see my dad for months.

It’s not just school, though. I tend to be a perfectionist in most of the things I do. My idea is that if you do something, you have to give it meaning, and that usually means working hard. One of the reasons I love writing is because there are no right answers; you are free to express yourself with only the barriers you set yourself.

Fear dictates my confidence level. When I feel I have failed something or someone, it convinces me I am not good enough. I fall to a low that takes up to weeks and months to get out of. This is a vicious circle, making me fear failure even more because I don’t want to lose MORE confidence.

I used to have a huge fear of forgetting the memories I had spent my life making. Part of that fear was being a worrier, and I mean a really big worrier. I used to worry about every little thing. I’m not as bad now, but of course, I’m a teenager-there are plenty of things I worry about.

Growing up scares me, too. This time next year I will be seventeen. I could be driving. I will be applying for the university that I have visited and picked. I will have done my AS level exams. Some of my friends will be turning eighteen. It’s scary enough thinking a year ahead, never mind any further! I don’t know what I want to do with my life when I leave school. All I know is that I want to write.

Fear-fueled Fabrications

I had a dream that a man was chasing me, trying to kill me. I’ve never had a specific recurring dream or night terror, but this seems to be a theme in a lot of my nightmares-chasing and killing. It’s a cycle of fear, because the fear causes morbid and scary dreams, which adds to the fear. So basically, I need to convince myself that a random man is not going to chase and kill me. Easy to do during the day, but at night…

Once Adolf Hitler made an appearance in my dream. Funnily enough it wasn’t even a nightmare, really. He visited a strange house where I was living and inspected my room, which was messy; but I woke up before he could hurt me.

The most disturbing dream I’ve ever had was when there was a conveyor belt in the middle of a dark room and along it came a series of dead bodies, all killed in different ways. I’m cringing now, just writing this.

Less morbid, but still disturbing, once I dreamed that instead of genitalia I had a random foot just chilling there. I mean, it wasn’t even my foot! There really must be something wrong with me…

Sometimes, when I am really tired I get this irrational thought that one of the bones in my foot, near my ankle, is going to pop out. Where do I get these ideas from? I’m not even dreaming and I make myself cringe!

Jenna

Jenna said yes, not because she had always been rather too sensible. Defying her, in some ways, weak character was hardly an option. The truth was that she said yes to escape. 

The three letters fell from her slightly parted lips like a badly kept secret. Thought her throat was dry, the word was loud as it was released into the expanse of the train station. She was aware of the strangers watching her speak to this mysterious man. But the worry in her eyes was needless as a train hurtled past, trampling over all voices at the platform. Her short, dark hair flew into a frenzy from the rush of the passing carriage. ‘Frenzy’, in fact, was the perfect description of Jenna. She was a frenzy from her thin shaking fingers, to the scattered thoughts tearing through her mind. Her wide eyes hid the maturity of an eighteen year old with the terror of a child. Even at that point, just before she would step on to the train, on a journey that would change her life, she had no understanding that this was just the beginning of the fear that would soon encapsulate her. 

 

 

Fear-an essential part of being human

How would your life be different if you were incapable of feeling fear? Would your life be better or worse than it is now?

I have a few different responses to this prompt. First, is that the ability to be feel limitless, to be freed of the barriers caused by fear seems exhilarating. I would be able to do everything I once couldn’t, from watching gory movies to holding creepy crawlies to public speaking. 

On the other hand, without fear, I feel that these things would lose their excitement. Having a fear means you can prove your strength-physical or emotional- by facing it. An absence of fear could even become boring. We need something to kick-start the adrenaline and motivate us to do things in order to push against our fears. In some ways, fearlessness would close me off from acting bravely as the element of dare would be lost.

Still, I can see the ways fearlessness would improve my life. I would be more confident and lose the anxieties involved with being introverted. I would be able to become a doctor, an optician, a dentist, whatever I wanted without the fear of blood and gore. And by doing that I could help people in new ways.

But would this change me as a person? Would I lose some qualities by losing my fears? In my opinion, I think fears build a person’s character and taking them away would change them and make them lose that part of their character. So, in conclusion, I think my life wouldn’t be any better without fears.