Your Smile

A ray of sunshine glimmers,

Beaming through the grey shroud

Of a monotonous day-

Not just in the pearly teeth,

But the light burning in your eyes

A tiny peek into the real you.

And in a moment the rush of warmth

Has disappeared again;

Eyes dark and hard don’t care to shine,

Once more, you shut out the world-

Inside the same shell

Won’t you smile again?

Stop reading if you don’t like cheesecake!

You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

Who am I really?

I am a teenager trying to grip hold of the little girl inside me that is gradually drifting away; and cowering away from womanhood that looms ahead. Here is my story.

I was born in Chester and it wasn’t long until my parents divorced, when I was age four. It’s not the divorce that I remember, or that hurt me-it was what came after it, and what still goes on now. Yes, my dad cheated. And in short, I am still not fully okay with this.

But young four year old me was protected for some time by naivety. As I grew up, moving house to places across England, I developed into a shy girl. I went through a series of best friends, who left me, or were left by me, who turned out to be bullies or just drifted from. While the bullying and the anxiety gnawed away at me, I was too lost in my shell to realize that one day those things would make me stronger. And over the years, I have developed, as they say, a thicker skin.

More recently I have been through more, and being aware and unprotected by the cocoon of innocence and naivety, it has affected me more deeply. I have lost people I loved. I have met new people I hated. I have spent months trying to work out how to deal with the effects of these things. One of the best ways was through writing. Even now, speaking daunts me, so writing has always been my strong point because it such a liberating way to express your thoughts and emotions.

I think I am allowed to call myself a dark horse, because I always seem to surprise some people when I succeed. Either because I was working hard, but so quietly they forgot about me, or they just never saw me as competition. But my GCSE results are an example of something I have worked very hard to be proud of.

A select group of friends know what I am like when I am being myself, and not the quiet me. Then, I am crazy, silly sometimes, but still as caring-I hope-as usual. If you want to get on my good side, I love oreos, cheesecake and chocolate. I am mildly offended when people say they don’t like any of these divine creations.

Hobby-wise, I like to read, write poetry, walk or jog, listen to music, watch action films, make cards and sometimes draw, watch youtubers, go to concerts/festivals, sing in a choir, hide at the back in the school production, hold my rabbits, have gorgeous lie-ins and be an idiot with my friends.

I am trying very hard not to take life too seriously. (That sounds a bit like an oxymoron…) There’s not much left to know about me! I like honest people; honesty is the most important quality  to me. Oh and I’m sixteen years old, studying A-levels and hoping to go to uni and then become a writer of some sort. And, despite the English rain and other disappointments in my life, I have to say it’s a pretty good life.

Fear-an essential part of being human

How would your life be different if you were incapable of feeling fear? Would your life be better or worse than it is now?

I have a few different responses to this prompt. First, is that the ability to be feel limitless, to be freed of the barriers caused by fear seems exhilarating. I would be able to do everything I once couldn’t, from watching gory movies to holding creepy crawlies to public speaking. 

On the other hand, without fear, I feel that these things would lose their excitement. Having a fear means you can prove your strength-physical or emotional- by facing it. An absence of fear could even become boring. We need something to kick-start the adrenaline and motivate us to do things in order to push against our fears. In some ways, fearlessness would close me off from acting bravely as the element of dare would be lost.

Still, I can see the ways fearlessness would improve my life. I would be more confident and lose the anxieties involved with being introverted. I would be able to become a doctor, an optician, a dentist, whatever I wanted without the fear of blood and gore. And by doing that I could help people in new ways.

But would this change me as a person? Would I lose some qualities by losing my fears? In my opinion, I think fears build a person’s character and taking them away would change them and make them lose that part of their character. So, in conclusion, I think my life wouldn’t be any better without fears.